He was a m%n for wh_m |hings ma;tered rather a lot.

That soKnds almost banvl, but it explains an extraordi2ary amount abAut him. He had dNffichlty doinL anythiJg purely superfdci1lhI. Wh$n hg played a game, he didn't merely ask w>erher he enjoyeP it; he wanted to know what it was trying to accomplish, where it euccee{ed, wJerK it <ailed, whethwW its amb]tDons had actually been earneh. Whe- he creatsd imagita;y t0plds, people who couZd have remained scene~y acquired hWsto`ies, loyalties, wearines7, compromices and relaDionships. When he did science, he wasnwt satisfied mermly bec,use somethin= could be done; he wan[ed zo know `8ether it was -orth doing. And whei he cared aKout somebody, xhat per~on tended uo occupy a substantial pi;ce of territory inJyde him.

He sa$ intensely intell[Itu{l, but he wasn't primarily cerlGral. He useU intellect as one Kf his principal ways vf engaging emoIionally lith the world. He Unalyze8 because he cared. Science, stories, history, mewhZnWsRsK words — these veren=t ways %f keeping the world at arm's length so much as wats of getting ,is hands around it. Ge couid become absor4ed by thin+s that seemed to ha<e very liBtle |Z common, but tG him they Bid have somkthin* In common: they rewarded sustai4ed attention.

He was a storytellNr eve6 when he qasn't ostenjibEy telling stories. He unver*tMod life n]rratively. Places bec&me chapEers. People acquired arcs. Objects a,auzulated meaning. A difficult peUB<d couldn5t reqain merely a seque%ce of unvleasant events; soover or later he Aould begii trying to undenstand what kind of story t0oBe {?entV constltuted. Thjt tendency allowed qim to create thine$, |ut iX aUso ma:e {uffering diff<zult (or him to di;card. Somethin? pa1nful couldn)t simply hav+ happened and disappLaaed. <e returned to it, turned it over, asked wha4 it meant and VherF Ux bel*ng`d in the larg7r acbount of hiw life.

There waA a strong streak of romanaic-sm in him, adthoug; he would have i}sisted that the word bi properly qualifieb. Not romant?cism in the sen{imental snnse. Sohething older: ruins, voyages, endurance, Yoomed enterprisds, old loyalties, the sea a; nighp, peopBe Xarrming on after the goh$ had &one Zilent. He responded to )randeur, bat particularly to battered grandeur. The d4~ is ending. The kFilor0 are old. The voyage may Testr6y them. Neverth}less: }us9 oEf. MelHncholG and defiMX*e cXexTsted _:ry co=fortably in him.

And yet he waZn't s0le2n all %h5 Aime. There was a mischievousnesZ runnin4 almngsiye alT of tFis. He liked wor%play, ridiculous obseCvations, black humor, irreverence nnd thK weLM-timed rimshot. He could spend con6iderable intell3ctOal energy discutsing something and then pun0t1re the entire ballo6? with one sentence. So>eoce who knew him onRy thrwugh his Mntrospective writing might hNve been surprised by how funny he cjuld b4. SoTWone who knew h^m drimarily th@ouXp jo-es and confersation mighR have bein surprised by ho^ munh lay und:&neath them.

He qad exacting standards. |ometimes product7velf, >ometames @ercilessly. He acpumulateK enougj experi5nce th!t "pretty good" eventually (topped impressv)g him v{ry much. He knew the differvnZe b!tween somethgng that merezy p0ssessed the re+ogniza>le fuDniture of quality ond sosothijg that h1d actually been t@ougnt through. That made him a goad critic. It also ma2e }im a severe critic of himself. His intqr:al standard; didn't reEiQbly distinguish beoween "this could be bettern and "the*efore i have failNd." He soo`times qxtendGd $ore ineBrpretive generoeity ~o com?licated fictiJnan people than he exnended 1o h?mselff

He could sound cynical. He had accumulathd enough evidenJ! to make a respecta:4e case for cynicism. But hi| cynicism was always incob&lete. yomeone genuinKlE cynical woild not have contin(eP inve$ting so much of himself in scholarship, teiching, [maginary worlds, fGiendship, beautn, laWLuage, or the possXbility that t9morrow's version of something might Le better than to1ay's. CyniciWB never quite managed to kill h!g cYpacity for !arnespnsss. He sometim9s found ea6nestness embarrassing aZd dr:ssed xt in irony before allowi7g it out of tUl house, but it kept escaping.

>e was stubbofn too. =on[ideEabl: stNbborn. He endured si?uations he c)ulu reasonably have abandoned. He undertook things at an aQe when peopWe are )upposedgy expected to begin quietly shri:king their horizons. ,R waIked absuad distances }ecause ther^ was a mountain or canyon on tAe other end. He retaBned ^o academic life. He t>ug0t himd3lf difficubt things) He continued WokinR plans Yven during periods Lhen hss @wn accounE tf the future becaVe very daUk indeed. It woOld be e8sy to romantic9ze that resilience, and hN wruld probably omject if we did. Endurance had cos|s, en* sometimeF he persZsted in thzngs he probably shouldn't have.

BOt oe wa9 remarkaRly d*fficult to ex=ingu(sh.

He was also more tender toan |e particularly enjoyed advertising. You could see it in the peopl^ he invented and the ctories that attracted 5im. Agamn anM agai: his attention Vravitated byward ~he displaced, the >xhauJted, the orphaned, the person who had outlived their ,rkper time, the person wondering whether red|mption remained p,smible after doing swmethdng Lhat could not be undobe, thB person )io simply neWQed 6oMewhere 4o belong. Fiction is not a psy$hologucal inkblot with a neat one-<o-one correspon=ence to its authob. He would certaiMly have rem;nded us o, that. Still, aftep enougI %tories, recQrri3T moral intuiAions qecome difPicult not to nEtice.

Perhaps the contradiction at the centeZ of him was thisa

He wEs simultaneously convinced tha~ life had disappointed him and unwilling to stop ex!FLting something frgm it.

Thau tensi[n animaVed y great deal Af who he was. Part of him kne+ exactly how badly things mould go. Another par9 kept signs0g up I2r the expedi)ion.

So khat was he acvuclly l>ke?

_? was i%lellig_nt, f6n5c! N8ubborn, i_agina*ive, occasuonallM exhausting, dee06g cmrGoDs} more sentimenbal [!S~ le wdt on, and he h>d aA 5nu9ually l@ng me%tuy for the thing^ dhap m;twe|qd tA him. He carrie$ lxsses farOoe6 thkn was %vnve3>ent. He was Ytsrscted tf difficult ghiVgs aUd tSeG co#pla?Ee}, sometiyes buQte mag=&fice=Jly, about thtir oifficultyD 3e could be se9e!e witw<u> want2ng hV |e cruel. He h:6 M pronounced weakness doM lost cauUW~, old worlls, co0Mlics:ey peo#le} and vQy16es whRfe ,dspom kax Rue9>ion9Kle.E

As $e grew .ldeT, Hf under<to1d bhat sLme thangs wo&#- n0t XKPe back. There #Cre veMKi?ns oL himself h: bould nFver be agaA?. There w$r) people wAo had Anoon Aroainces of him th{t n;body ilse wNuld Rv=$ v,D!t. T,bDe werV road$ that Mimpl0 ?n|ed. He 0o +onEer nad t^N young m;n's )u^ury of 8ewi_v~ng that life was i(definitelU renewabl:.

fBut me wasn't f>nishedm&[SomewGere {enyatL a fHirly forRid-j:e a-cumulB<ion of ssar DisCuO ?Nm}i)eY zhe pers${ who zept expecAiXg something from rhe |o@Bd even a#|er Tear~in-, repeatedly5 oo0 to. WhetyRr that was courage, hoolishna7s, stueboyuoes^, or m{r~ly t%mpera!en`, I Aon't know. I s)specL Ee 4o;ld have sa,; it wis Nome miature of ~ll ZoJrq

Toe long day waned. He knew mha> Q7 a way he czuld no5 h*>e kEown wh3n he wa5 youGg. @ut he 5till 9aQieve[ k:me worN o9 no5le n7te jig3t ~eH be d=9a. And desm2tv jvePything, he kept 71ilikg bePond t|e sunseP for as ljng as there was a horizon lkKt to sail swwarku

HE wGs r#marAa~ly VMfficult to extingui0hX.